PairLume Community Rules and Moderation, Explained
How the anonymous PairLume community works: pseudonyms, room moderators, automated screening, reporting, and what gets a post removed.
The [community](/community) is an anonymous, moderated space where people ask relationship questions they would not put on a public feed. Anonymity is what makes it useful, and moderation is what keeps it usable.
Anonymity
You post under a pseudonym, not your real name. Your account identity is not shown next to your posts, and other members cannot see your email or your booking history. Location sharing is off unless you turn it on, and even then it is shown at city and region level, never as an address.
Rooms
Rooms are topic based: communication, long distance, intimacy, healing, parenting, and more. Each room has its own guidelines set by its moderators on top of the sitewide rules. Some rooms require approval before a post goes public, which slows things down deliberately in the places where careless replies do the most harm.
Screening and moderators
New posts and comments pass through automated screening for abuse, harassment, sexual content involving minors, self harm instruction, spam and scam patterns. Anything flagged goes to a human moderator queue rather than being deleted silently. Moderators can approve, remove, or lock a thread, and repeated violations lead to a suspension.
What gets removed
Abuse or harassment of another member. Content that identifies a real person, including your own partner in a way that would identify them. Advice presented as clinical treatment. Promotion, referral spam, and attempts to move people off platform to sell them something. Anything sexual involving minors, which is removed and reported.
Crisis posts
If a post suggests someone is at risk, moderators surface crisis resources rather than leaving it to the thread. The community is peer support, not an emergency service. If you are in danger, use the numbers on the [crisis resources](/crisis) page.
Reporting
Every post and comment has a report action. Reports go to moderators and to our team, never to the person you reported. You will not be identified to them.
Why it is public to search engines
Community threads can be read without an account, because the questions people ask here are the same questions people search for at two in the morning. Reading is open, participating requires an account and a pseudonym, and posts contain no real names.